Embrace the Dream

From Where I Came Back

Reflecting on my journey, I often find myself pondering the countless experiences that shaped who I am today. The places I've visited and the people I've met have all contributed to my growth and understanding of the world around me. Each memory, vivid and cherished, takes me back to moments that were not just pivotal, but transformative, guiding me back to where I truly belong. 

I must admit, expressing myself can sometimes be a bit challenging and even overwhelmingly difficult at times, but I'm genuinely willing to give it a real try, especially since you've shown such great interest in hearing my thoughts and unique perspective! Your constant encouragement truly makes me feel more inspired to open up and share my innermost feelings and ideas with you, which I truly value.

I have been diligently working as a Merchant Navy Officer, including my Apprenticeship, since the year 1988, starting out at the young and impressionable age of just 19. In 1989, I encountered a little incident that could have potentially set me back significantly in both my personal and professional life, but I chose to brush it aside and instead committed myself to a substantial amount of physiotherapy in order to get back on track and moving forward in my career. Little did I know, nor could I have ever predicted, that this injury would resurface nearly three decades later in my life, presenting new and unexpected challenges that would test my resilience. I faced intermittent problems with my spine from time to time, but with the help of effective medication and ongoing physiotherapy, I managed to cope until 2008, when I ultimately made the difficult decision to hang up my coat and officially retire just shy of my 40th birthday, marking the end of an era in my maritime career, seeking new pathways.

With a strong desire not to simply sit idly in my trusty wheelchair doing nothing, I made the conscious decision to dedicate my time and energy to working voluntarily with various charities that passionately support disabled individuals and advocate for their rights. Starting in 2008, my marriage journey faced numerous emotional challenges and ultimately came to an end; however, my former spouse and I mutually agreed to wait until our daughters reached high school before taking that significant and life-altering step. In 2015, that dreaded moment finally arrived, and we made the heartfelt decision to go our separate ways, all the while prioritising our children's well-being. In 2016 and 2017, to my complete surprise, I unexpectedly reconnected with a long-lost friend from years ago, and we began to rediscover the beautiful friendship we had forged after being apart since 1995. Eventually, after much contemplation and shared experiences, we made the joyful decision to tie the knot in May 2017, hoping to finally put an end to the turbulent chapters of our past and embrace a brighter future together.

My health was slowly deteriorating, and I was struggling to manage my daily life without adequate assistance. I voiced my concerns to my GP regarding the alarming loss of strength in my grips, and the persistent pain in my spine had intensified significantly over time. Living on my own and grappling with the fear of what might happen if my spine were to completely give out, my wife (who is now my partner) and I made the important decision to finalise our marriage as soon as possible. Due to my disabilities, the Home Office had previously advised me that we could not complete our online marriage, initiated earlier in May 2017,  without attending to the necessary formalities in person in Bangladesh to facilitate her VISA application. Our inability to marry online via video conferencing stemmed from my status as an unemployed and registered disabled individual, which could have led to the misconception of our union being one of convenience, according to the guidance from the Home Office in the UK. Consequently, I decided to fly to Bangladesh in November 2017, and we both agreed to hold our wedding upon my arrival at my sister’s home in Dhaka. However, just a fortnight before my scheduled departure, my GP insisted on seeing me urgently. When I attended that appointment a week before my flight, I was disheartened to learn that I needed to postpone my travel plans, as they wanted to conduct further tests. I had been persistently communicating my health issues to my GP and consultants since I was advised in 2009-10 by one of the Associate Professors at LabAid in Dhaka, who is now a Professor. Unfortunately, their only response was to operate on Carpal Tunnel, which I later learned, during consultations in 2017-18, was unnecessary, as my real problems were rooted in my spine and not my wrist.

My GP had advised me not to go anywhere until I heard back from them by the 6 November 2017. However, since I didn’t receive any communication whatsoever from either my GP or the Hospital, I made the decision to fly out on the 7 November 2017 to BD. Upon my arrival on the 8 November 2017, we joyfully got married as planned, celebrating a significant moment in our lives. About a week later, I made an appointment to see the same Orthopaedic Professor at LabAid, bringing along my MRI report from the UK. The very first thing he asked was what treatment I had received since his original diagnosis and advice. I explained to him in detail exactly what procedures had been done, and to my shock, he literally threw the MRI report across the table, expressing his frustration and disappointment towards the Health Professionals in the UK for disrespecting both his diagnosis and his advice. I took the time to explain the ongoing issues I was facing at that time, just as I had done with my GP back in England. After assessing my situation, he prescribed me the same medicines that he had given me back in 2009, although at stronger doses this time, along with some medications I was already taking in the UK. He expressed genuine concerns about my condition and advised me that if my health were to worsen, I should seek him out immediately. Just three days later, one evening, my wife and I were returning home after visiting some relatives via an Uber. Unfortunately, the driver failed to stop or slow down when noticing a pothole followed closely by a speed-bump. The result of this oversight was inevitable. When we finally got back and I attempted to exit the car, I quickly realised that I had lost strength on my right side and was finding it exceedingly difficult to take even a single step with my right leg. Later that night, and ever since that moment, I found myself struggling more than ever…

My wife, Moni, was incredibly supportive during this challenging and trying time, as she had to feed me and assist me with showering and attending to all my other daily needs, since I was unfortunately unable to do much of anything with my right arm. As the days went by, I was gradually deteriorating, feeling worse and weaker by the hour, and experiencing severe spasms that caused me to slip unexpectedly down the bed with alarming force. This concerning situation compelled us to make the difficult decision to return to LabAid hospital once again for further evaluation and treatment. As soon as we arrived and carefully got out of the car, we had to cross the bustling road to enter the hospital safely. I was using my crutches, and as I attempted to navigate the curve, I unfortunately lost complete control of my right side, causing me significant distress. Once we were in the hospital, the doctor strongly advised me to return to the UK immediately without any further delay. He emphasised that while he could perform surgery on my spine here in Bangladesh, I wouldn’t be able to receive the necessary aftercare that I would have access to back in the UK. 

On the 6 December 2017, I embarked on a significant journey, flying out from Dhaka, Bangladesh, to the UK. After a long and exhausting flight, I arrived at Manchester Airport early on the morning of December the 7th 2017. Upon my arrival, I found myself in a state where I was barely able to do anything with my right side, struggling to take even a single step from the car to the wheelchair that awaited me. I was swiftly admitted to Manchester Royal Hospital, but due to the severe involuntary spasms I was experiencing, the medical staff could do little more than administer high doses of painkillers throughout the night. The following morning, around 7 am, I was transferred to Salford Royal Hospital for further evaluation and care.

During my unsettling 24-hour stay at Manchester Royal, I felt a deep sense of humiliation that I had never experienced before. Various nurses bombarded me with questions about why I had come to the UK for treatment rather than receiving care back in Bangladesh. Instead of acknowledging my concerns, they referred to my home country as India and then Pakistan, further compounding my distress. I was in unbearable agony, the pain only worsening by the minute, while they focused on questioning my motives for seeking medical assistance in the UK, as well as my nationality and identity. 

Finally, upon my arrival at Salford Royal, the medical team proceeded with a series of tests, including MRI and X-ray scans, which they could have easily performed during my initial assessment at Manchester Royal instead of questioning my background. Once they obtained the results, they outlined their next course of action, and I was taken to an observation room in the evening, just prior to my scheduled surgery. There, further scans, including a CT scan, confirmed the dire situation: I had two broken vertebrae, and four broken pieces were compressing my spinal cord. This was the reason I was losing strength in my limbs one by one and experiencing those frightening spasms. I underwent surgery later that night, but by then, I had become paralysed from the neck down. The surgeon's words were chilling: “Your prognosis is worse than we diagnosed prior to the operation.”

 I was in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) for nearly a week before they made the decision to transfer me to the High Dependency Care Unit (HDCU) for another few days of close monitoring. After my time in HDCU, I was moved to a side room in the general ward, where I could begin to recover in a slightly less intensive environment. While I was receiving treatment in both ICU and HDCU, the medical team discovered that a section of my lungs had collapsed, adding to the complications of my condition. I was undergoing intensive physiotherapy to regain control over my breathing, which was quite challenging. As I mentioned, I was completely paralysed from the neck down for well over two weeks following my spinal surgery, which involved my cervical spine around the C3-C4 and C5-C6 vertebrae at least, that’s what I recall. As the year was drawing to a close, I began to experience some movement returning to my toes and hands, which was incredibly encouraging. My left side started to respond first during the first week of January 2018. By the second week of the new year, I was transferred to the Acute Neurological Rehabilitation until I could secure a placement at the Northern General Hospital for specialised Spinal Injury Rehabilitation. During my last few days at Salford Royal Hospital, with the invaluable assistance from their dedicated physiotherapists and occupational therapists, I made significant progress and began to walk using a Zimmer frame, which felt like a monumental step forward in my recovery.

 I then transferred to the Royal Princess Ann’s Unit at Sheffield Northern General to begin my rehabilitation journey. They initially thought that I had received treatment at a hospital in Pakistan before I was admitted to Salford Royal. I was kept in quarantine for a week, allowing the medical team to monitor my condition closely before they commenced my rehabilitation program. Two weeks later, after consistent progress and monitoring, they made the decision to discharge me so I could return home. The Consultant informed me that individuals who undergo the type of surgeries performed on the neck typically require at least six months of recovery time before they can sit up independently. However, in my case, I was already walking (as part of my physiotherapy) within six weeks, using a Zimmer frame to assist me. As I managed to move around my room using either a wheelchair or crutches, especially during visits to and from the physiotherapy room, they decided it was safe to discharge me, albeit with the caution that I should not be left alone at home. Consequently, I stayed with my cousin in Manchester for another couple of weeks to acclimate to general living conditions, as I had spent nearly three months in the hospital by that point. Afterward, my cousin kindly drove me back to my bungalow in Lowestoft. However, once he left, I was hit with reality the very next day and found myself struggling immensely. I ended up developing PTSD and became deeply depressed and frustrated. It felt as though I couldn’t breathe, and I found myself hiding away at home. Fortunately, my counsellor from the mental hospital introduced me to a group that encouraged people to explore photography, which became a turning point for me.

I couldn't just sit around idly doing nothing, so I made the decision to take proactive steps by mending my website, which had been long overdue for some much-needed attention and care. At the same time, I began engaging in meaningful Voluntary Work as an Advisor at our local Citizens Advice Bureau, where I have found immense satisfaction and joy in helping others navigate their challenges. Additionally, I took on the important role of Vice-chair for another organisation that is devoted to supporting individuals with disabilities, known as Lowestoft Shopmobility. And of course, I must not forget to mention my YouTube Channel, which has become a significant and rewarding focus for me. I'm truly fortunate to be receiving a lot of positive support for my Channel, which has proven to be incredibly encouraging and uplifting! Therefore, I hope you can see just how vital it is for me to grow my YouTube presence. Not only is it an important personal goal, but I believe it may also help me to achieve something meaningful and rewarding for myself in the long run, particularly as I work towards recovering from depression and striving passionately for a brighter future filled with possibilities. 

Thank you so very much for taking the time to read through my long and winding story that I've shared with you. Your genuine interest means a great deal to me, and I truly appreciate every moment you spent engaging with my words!

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